new poem : golosina

you told me you didn’t want to know if I’d done anything while out of town for a conference

I told you I needed you to be at home more than at work

you told me you needed a few days

I told you this was your way of not being available

you took your chest of drawers

left on my bed, I threw out your pajamas too

you wanted your name off the lease but asked for my last work check to pay bills

I cashed my check and filled the van with gas

you walked into the house anytime I was gone, taking one piece of you at a time – there was no hurry

I changed the locks

you sent your grandson through the kitchen window and took the new keys

I found you outside smoking pot and, when I didn’t let you in, you used the new keys to invite yourself in

you stood over me, close to hitting me, and yelled so much a punch would have been nicer

I called the police to get my keys back

you played rational

I recognized the actress in you

you cut off my gas, then in your name

I cut off the electricity, then in the middle of winter

you threw your food over the fence, feeding the dog spaghetti, leaving trash in the yard

I drove by your house in the early morning, jotted the license plates in case

you stole my van, claiming it was yours

I reminded you of my regular income and how it helped your business grow

you sold me the van back for $500

I hated you and loved you

you loved me and hated me

I cornered you to see why this had even happened

you told me you didn’t think I was capable of being so mean, that that’s what hurt the most

I asked why it was okay for you to be so ugly

you told me it was because you were always like this

I did tell you I thought about cheating

you informed me I’d already done so

I couldn’t argue

you always win arguments, you are much louder

I started painting doors and working in the yard

you watched me from your windows

I removed as much of you from the house as I could, put it out on the sidewalk

you held onto everything I threw away, reminding me that things were more important

I asked you why you even started a relationship with me

you reminded me I got a pair of glasses, a trip to Mexico and my new red shoes from it

I asked you if you wanted those too