peppery

I had some powerful dreams while in RGV this weekend. I'm still processing all the info too - it's madness.

I will add these in, and a description of some of what I did while in Edinburg et al as I can.

I did find out I am allergic to pepper so I am still feeling the sleepiness and puffiness of that confirmation. It's too bad, too. I don't always like beef jerky but this one was super peppery!

sick again!

This is madness. I was just fine earlier in the week, then with a sore throat and achiness on Wednesday. By Thursday when I woke up my tonsils were like two old dogs at the back of my throat.

Two cases of tonsilitis in the seven months I've been back here. I know it's the allergies, though now I have more allergies than I used to!

I'm not a happy camper today, that's for sure. If I could convert this to a conspiracy theory I would.

welcome to San Anto...

... capital of the country's highest murder-suicide rates (not just murder, not just suicide, but both - together!) and a personal welcome to me from my allergies.

joy - continued violence in a city which melds rabid-dog religious fanatics, latino morality and an economy based on tourism. And we wonder why SA's got such great numbers in other things too : overweight folks, poverty levels, violence in schools, etc, etc, etc.

If I wasn't so sensitive right now, this wouldn't be such a huge issue.

I have had huge allergy issues since 1990. They worsened each year. Before leaving here for Austin, I would end up with 3 or 4 bouts of tonsilitis each year, brought on by the congestion from allergies. Mostly pigweed - go figure - it doesn't show up much here.

I didn't have one bout of tonsilitis while in Austin though I did still have allergies. The only time I got something close was when I got strep throat but that was because the girl I was seeing at the time had it and we kept reinfecting each other - those were good times (and a much better reason than pigweed!).

I'm stuck at home the rest of the week for this tonsilitis. My throat hurts horrible, my body hurts enough and I have a low grade fever. I went to see a doctor today so at least now I have antibiotics.

Worse than that, I'm stuck at home because driving anywhere hurts me and nyquil really does make you sleepy! So, I caught yet another case of a murder-suicide that happened here in San Anto. And anther case of a transgendered woman who the news today because her case against a local police officer began today. Despite the police officer being accused of raping the victim and forcing her to please him, it was she who was repeatedly named by her male name and called a transsexual and a drag prostitute. No surprise - it's Fox news' handiwork.

And print media is using transsexual too - isn't the preferred word transgender? What's wrong that the media hasn't gotten it yet? What does it take - for Latinos to be referred to as wetbacks? Do they need to see themselves somewhere in a news story before they are willing to make change? Or even discuss the case, as several news stations didn't even mention the story.

All this shit just makes me feel my fever climbing.

"the earth is love/and we/we are all satellites"

Went to a weekly slam poetry jam at Sam's Burger Joint here in San Anto on Tuesday night. That's where I got the title to this blog entry. One of the contestants/poets ended his piece with this line.

It was strange to go someplace by myself. I'm used to playing observer with someone, drinking a little, making stories about the other people, laughing for no reason. But the dj spinning was good (better, unfortunately, than a lot of the poets) and I was moving when a song hit me and laughing when I wanted to all by myself. I felt free.

Work's getting steep - there's more and more stuff I find that may or may not be a part of my daily or weekly or monthly routine. Still, I'm enjoying working it.

I got into a horrible conversation with someone at work earlier in the week regarding what "inner city" kids implies to those we are requesting volunteer hours or donations from. I worried about the stereotypes and she said that grants utilize that language and we must respond with that same language. I think I see even grantwriting as the potential for being a political act. I cannot imagine accepting the labeling and not taking the opportunity to defy what it means to be "inner city" just as we must often defy what it means to be female, working class, artists, etc., when the connotations are viewed negatively. Hell, even when viewed positively.

I had lunch with an old friend of mine this week too. I used to do music research for him. He always impressed me with his ability to let his mind wander and come up with new ways of making money, writing books, finding out about himself. Anything. If it pops into his head he's doing it.

We joked about putting out a personal ad that would say something like:

No clingers. No wanna-bes. Don't want someone who is expecting financial support. Emotional support may or may not be available on your demand. Expect incredible independence and equality. Mothers who are distant, live far away or are dead are a plus. Cannot give you a ride in my car.I'm intelligent and attractive. I've been burned and I'm not having it anymore. Expect to give more loving than you may receive and to clean up after yourself.

But I told him the only people who would respond would be those asking if anyone actually responded.

I have also s l o w l y moved some stuff into the house. My mother is probably more excited about the place than I am. She called me at work yesterday and told me she washed the walls. Who thinks to wash the walls? I would have just asked the management for a paint job. To be honest, I am a little excited about nailing those sandpapery strips on the stairs so they aren't so slippery. I already have my hammer and upholstery nails ready.

I woke up this morning with such a tremendous headache tho. I have started grinding my teeth and that with the double espresso con pannas I'm getting, the sudafed and allergies, and the amount of work I keep digging up at my new job and I was kind of hoping to just watch Charmed in some sweat pants. Instead, estoy como loca, moving a load of boxes even this morning before work.

I joked with a friend of mine about how soft Tigrette was because of Austin and how San Anto kids are rougher - they need child size tumblers like those for gnarly rocks that come out perty after hours of rubbing. In keeping with that, Tigrette went to the rodeo mess this week as an "educational experience". She wore her boots and her khakis and her blue jean jacket with the cotton-y looking trim and, with her hair combed forward like she does, she looked like Jack Twist from Brokeback Mountain.

I have missed writing. I've been sleeping erratically and hope to get back to a regular schedule of writing once I am finally moved!

More later...

dizzy

I've been off balance for a couple of weeks now and assumed it was allergies. When they affect my ears I can have trouble walking a straight line. Now, however, I've been dizzy.

There's been a lot happening, to be sure : dating, work, my writing, school plans, etc. There's a lot to do and I'm feeling overwhelmed and wonder if that's why I'm dizzy. For once I don't have insomnia, which usually lets me gets lots of work done, but sleep is not the best either.

I did get a much-needed laugh from my friend Sebastian who always asks me how my dating life is going (he likes to see me having fun, what can I say?). We talked about how women like to tie down a partner but that, as he said "los caribenas son pocas putitas". And Robyn tells me that as a air sign I'm hard to tie down. Get it, air? Can't tie air down. I didn't get it until she explained to me what "air" meant. I'm Libra. I thought the whole first minute she was saying I talked too much.

To be honest, talking with Sebastian stirred up my own reminders to complete my schooling, and decide on my next course of action. His call also let me know that he, as my brother, would be moving far away for school. I'm going to miss him. He's my brother and there's no denying it. He was and continues to be part of an active part of my heart.

There is so much going on, so many mental challenges, that I can't help but see them as this approaching storm. Appropriate that, out of nowhere, Austin was hit with a tremendous rain last night. I was just walking out of this meeting as a coalition develops to address the upcoming vote to add a definition of marriage to the Texas Constitution (the old one man + one woman = marriage mierda). I just stepped out of the door and these huge, gorgeous drops of rain came down. I thought it would be a quick shower and was thankful. Yesterday's temperature hit 104 here - any relief is nice - and I don't remember the last time it rained. Well, by the time I got to the highway the downpour was so severe everyone was driving 30 mph and I couldn't see more than a few feet and everyone's brake lights. Wipers were of no use.

I ended up at a friend's house, unintended, to unwind some. I hoped that by chilling with a friend I'd get rid of some of the tension of returning to real life after a week in SF. Well, we had a "discussion" that left me upset. Shit, that's another story. Forget it.