Thursday, January 19, 2006

in the mood

I don't know if it's all the movement and work I'm putting in but I've been so quick to get turned on. I was minding my own self tonight, having done some "career" clothes shopping and ordered some food and a double vanilla soy latte (new favorite - but the coffee has to be good or the soy no vale pa' na!).

The dyke-y girl who made my latte called me honey a few times and I got all warm. Earlier at work, this dyke-y girl opened the door and I got red in my face. I say "dyke-y" because I am guessing they are - who knows what they really go for. Either way, I don't get why I'm so quickly aroused.

On yahoo messenger even, someone saw my profile and IM'd me to see if I was interested in being a domme. I told them I wanted to sub and only for a woman. Dudes, they just keep
trying - can't see I like the girls!

So much so right now, I saw a green shirt at one store that said "Everyone loves an Italian girl". I'm not Italian but I could agree with it.

On the super plus side, I feel good at the new job. My boss is smart, hands-off but approachable. It's even nice to drive around during lunch. I've forgotten what to do with lunch breaks but there are a couple of great shops. I'm near all the queer community so there's always something to do after work.

Today, however, I took a couple of poems to Burger King and sat with a spicy chicken sandwich (I like anglo versions of "spicy" - such a tease). A woman working the tables called me "child" a couple of times and told me the sun was too beautiful to be looking at work. She said I had a nice smile.

I must be opening up in different ways - I know I feel different. I even bought a skirt today. Don't tell anyone but I haven't worn a skirt since 5th grade - I truly recall believing that I didn't have to dress like what people considered appropriate for those viewed as female.

I am missing my clothes. I didn't pack up everything, just those that would match each other so I'm dressing kind of dull right now. Too much pastel and black.

I really am missing Austin but, while it's kid and artist and bohemian friendly, it's just not working class friendly. And, despite some incredible friends I call family, I am partnerless and hating the "community" which had been sold to me as something incredible - I had very little holding me there. San Anto has its own issues but damned if I've not been smiling like mad the last couple of days at the excitement of true, viable, people of color-specific arts! I didn't
realize how good I had it.

Smiling more because right now, in Austin, a couple of Latino arts groups are shitting in their pants for not having had a larger vision. Somehow being more concerned about $500 in grant money is more important that assisting an organization, in trouble, that is helping others succeed. I shouldn't even say Latinos - it's down home Mexican Americans messing with each other instead of scaring dominant culture with 500 years of cultura.

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