Tuesday, April 26, 2005


My boss celebrated his birthday at Saba this evening and, despite my slight fever, I put make up on, covering my flushed face and adding some red lipstick. That was all I needed to feel a little better. I wasn't going to go to the gathering because of my sicky feeling but also because I thought Cliffy would be there. I've never wanted to avoid someone before but I'm not ready to see her.

I feel she lied when she told me she wanted a relationship, and after our discussion, I feel she still lied in saying she wanted to be friends. So far, I only heard from my new friend when I called her to see how she was. I want honesty in a relationship, any kind of relationship. Why is it easier to say something that will appease someone instead of just giving it out? Yes, that hurts/surprises/freaks too but I had such an expectation with Cliffy that she wasn't able to give me because what she was proposing wasn't truly what she could give. If she had just not bothered promising anything we would still be having a good time.

Maybe it's Saba's house red that made me feel a little better. Maybe it's the surprise visit I got from Ya Vez this morning but I realize I don't need to compromise while I'm free. Compromise I'm willing to do once I've met my match.

So I went, and a had some great conversation and incredible food and the women said my hair was muy sexy and Cliffy didn't show.

Funny was that Little Lion's cooking class was cancelled so she called the house looking for me and then called Ya Vez's house. Why the after school care place still has this number is beyond me but I had to laugh when she told Ya Vez she needed a ride but didn't need one from her, that she would just wait for me. THAT's the kind of straightforward talk I want people to be capable of.

Some examples:
I want you to fuck me because I'm missing my ex.
I think you are a good woman but don't see us being together in a committed relationship.
I'm needing your company because I'm lonely.
I don't know if we'll talk any more once either of us finds a girlfriend.
I know I've been shitty with you but I still want you in my life.

Try it today. Just say the shit honestly. Be different today. What does it cost?

No comments: