madre!

ya no se como lo hago...
me estoy poniendo loca - poco a poco.

I managed to write some on a piece I'd started about a month ago. It's turning too narrative but I've managed to separate the piece into parts so I'm hoping the narrative becomes okay as I add in some of the more personal tones.

My computer is acting up so I spent about an hour cleaning through it and got rid of 50 versions of my resume through the years, as well as those of others I'd created, old graphics, etc. Still have a lot to go through. By then I was a zombie. I'd not slept any (Delhi got sick on the ride home from Austin on Sunday night and, it turns out, actually was sick - keeping me up all night with uneasiness, hurting stomach, throw up, odd food requests, etc.)

The day before, I stayed with my mom, cooking and washing clothes, cleaning up, etc. She still can't put any weight on her foot and she's not in a good mood about it. Worse, I wouldn't have gone to Austin at all for the day if I knew what was happening at the house. We spoke the next day and my mom said that my father didn't cook anything, didn't ask her if she needed anything - general ass behaviour. It made me realize that, while I am not the best at naming/finding/acquiring home or at being in a secure and loving relationship, my parents are horrible examples of both. I started realizing that my daughter's ease in establishing home and her possessive though tender love are symbols of growth past the examples previously worked out.

Like always, I'm an intermediary of sorts. I sometimes wish I weren't.

While in Austin I did get to see Carol and Lilia for a bit. They moved to a new place so I bought them some dinner - it's not easy to cook when boxes are everywhere, I know that from experience!

I also got to see Sunny, who is on her way to Minnesota (a surprise to me!). It was so good to see her. My nickname for her does suit her - whether she would agree or not is another thing. While we talked for some time, I think it was just the best when, in saying good bye, she told Delhi "see you in Minnesota". Had I written in here we were planning a trip to Minneapolis/St. Paul to see my "homeland" (as much home as any other place in this hemisphere)? Yes, I'm planning a trip in November.

I miss school - I was thinking about that today. I'm going to find a couple of strange classes to join. My mind is wandering - I suppose that's a good thing.