Monday, August 27, 2007

all my eggs + one basket = ?

I've been depressed, in that dichotomous way I do:

I've given my attention to my daughter's room since she deserves it. Her room was a modge podge of stuff with no order, no unifying color. Now, with a new desk, a lounge chair, cubbies and her room rearranged, she's loving it. My mother made me cry last week when she told me that Delhi had a great sense of humor and that she wouldn't know what to do if she didn't have her close. I've been thinking of grad school somewhere far away.

I have to force myself to bed and can't sleep but I can sit for a minute and fall asleep so hard I'm dreaming instantaneously. Sometimes I'm so relaxed my muscles feel soft - I'm not used to that feeling. Other times my back is fine then tenses up so completely I can't turn around when I'm parallel parking.

I've started writing but have this complete distaste when I'm doing it. Almost nausea, almost hate to look at the page.

I've gone back to music as a way to escape some - Annie Lennox helps some.

I know I'll be okay. I think I'm just surprised at how long it seems to have taken me to bounce out of this funk. Maybe it doesn't help that I haven't been meditating regularly or that I don't have a good friend to talk to (or rather, that I can view right now as someone I could talk to).

3 comments:

Eric said...

Great blog! I added you to my blogroll. I'd appreciate it if you'd consider linking back.

Most blogs allow you to enter your blog url in a special field in the comment section. If the blog doesn't have that feature, then you will also need to put my url in the comment.

bluemorpho.org said...

Hello beautiful,

It's Camille. I'm sorry to hear you're fighting a funk, and I thought you deserved a better comment than once of those auto-spammer things. ;)

I think of you and Delhi often. We never really got to do craft days, but I think of you whenever I use the beautiful materials you gave me. I know you'll never lack for friends in Austin, but I just bought a house in 21 and the guestroom will always be in readiness if you're ever passing through. If I'm ever in SA can I call you? I'd love to just talk and be lazy and drink coffee and hear about your life. Nearly everything in mine has changed since we last saw each other. I'm glad you seem to be doing well in SA, but I guess I was still nursing the hope you'd be back in Austin before too long. And now maybe grad school far away...? Sigh.

Please give my love to your not-so-little-anymore tigrita. She may not remember, but tell her anyway. :)

Love,
Camille

(P.S. - Amanda encouraged me to take up some space as an artist, so I built a website. I'm proud of it. Baby steps. www.bluemorpho.org)

La Cri said...

Lift your head, girl. I'm from El Paso, Texas, and I too have been in the funk. We all have. Check out my blog...

www.mextizarhetorica.blogspot.com

Enjoyed reading your writings...