Friday, April 27, 2007

I love Paulo Coelho's work and found, recently, that I actually like the man too (at least what's present in his blog - I know that blogs don't reveal everything!).

He's brave enough to put the first few chapters of his new book, The Witch of Portobello, online. Bold too, to state his personal goals. Despite a new book coming out, the demand of his time that will follow and the journey each new book brings, his is making himself new:

Time and life have changed everything into something perfectly understandable – and I need mystery... I want to fill my life again with fantasy, because an angry god is far more curious, frightening and interesting than a phenomenon of physics.

And finally, let me look at myself... I shall remain what I am and what I like to be, a constant surprise to myself. This I who was not created by my father or by my mother, nor by my school, but by all that I have lived so far - suddenly I forgot and am discovering it all over again.

I am at that cusp. Perhaps we all are. I had a great day yesterday. I saw an old friend yesterday. We went out (if you could call it that) about ten years ago. To be again face-to-face with myself at 25 was interesting. I remember that time as the first year I committed myself to writing, recognizing the importance, a la William Carlos Williams, of what is found in poetry/what it can provide. My friend told me my voice had changed, that when I'd left a voice message saying "It's me, ..." at first he didn't know who the "me" was. I liked that there was some marker to show my growth. Voice is incredibly important to me as someone who reads her work aloud.

God, I also remember those as the first years I actually let myself open up emotionally. I did it in a retarded way (still do!) - going back and forth, not trusting what I was sensing, opening up too late or being naive in the wrong places, hard in the wrong moments.

I also got to talk on the phone with my Rudy, cabroncito de east osten. He's doing well and we are going to go out next week for drinks, some catching up time. I told him he was going to have to find someone to spank me because I have so wound up! Oh, but that's another topic all together... Rudy's great. He's such a wonderful spirit and, with most everything that doesn't turn out, he will tell me "ah, it's alright girl. don't worry about it" and he means it. With Rudy it's not about washing hands or forgiving/forgetting or karma. It's about moving on/beyond.

What a great opportunity Coelho presents - it reminds me of a time with Cliffy, when we (or just me?) were transforming, initially for the best : "Ourselves but not ourselves - so much more."

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