my mother and I are often at opposite sides of ways to raise Tigrette. as an immigrant, she wants me to "do better than I did, not have to work so hard". that's wonderful but it implies a comparison, a burden on the shoulders of the child to take one step further on the path their parent(s) took.
i would often take the large view with raising Tigrette. I have to see her as an individual who does not belong to me, who make take a completely different path than I have taken, whose life may be so distinct we are truly able to honor each other's individuality. of course, her hair is like mine and she is sassy like I am and she can't have her food touching so dinner is often placed in 2 or 3 small chinese bowls (yes, like me when I was a kid!). yes, she is like me but she doesn't have to keep on the life mission I'm on or have chosen to take on.
turns out there's an author educating along the same lines. Who knew childrearing instructions could be found in the Talmud?