helping

I don't know how to accept help.
It kills me to have to need it.

A couple of days ago I went grocery shopping and ended up having the same older man bag my groceries who did so two weeks ago.

At that time, we almost had a (very polite) fight at the cash register because I didn't expect any help and 9.75 time out of 10 HEB doesn't have any baggers, let alone enough available to walk with you to your car. But the man insisted, and looked at me so intensely, I acquiesced.

I was mad at myself for not being able to accept some help (kindness really, huh?). He was very respectful, called me Miss and asked me to have a nice day.

He did the same when I saw him earlier this week after walking me out to the van. I am still upset with whatever events or people have made me so overly closed off.