Overall, it's best Cliffy and I end our doll house scenario because she assumed what it was I wanted. When what I want is community and a relationship needn't look like all the others - carbon copies of straight marriage.
I can't see myself playing "la querida", that figure in latino culture that makes the world go round. The one the male/masculine goes to when they need some loving and little trouble. I realize, in seeing my own daughter play with her girl friends that butch/femme is natural. It's the ideas attributed to those identifiers which create unequal scenarios. Better to search for equal relationships built on sexual connection. I don't feel like playing house, bringing meals to my butch and rubbing her feet when she's tired. Damned if I'm not tired too.
I get frustrated with women who, because of the way we are placed/viewed in this society, we must forget out own drives and follow some dominant idea. I get more frustrated when it's women I care about and love, who cannot do what they need to do for themselves. Who spend their life waiting to start life.
There is some old white guy who talked about the craft of writing - he said that we practice our work over and over again waiting for the theatre curtain to come up only to realize it's been up all along.