commitment phobia

I've had an eventful week, most of what happened came to inevitable (self-perceived) conclusions about my marital status/desire for a relationship:

1. you need a girlfriend (presumably butch, presumably who likes to do outside work);
2. you are a good woman and deserve someone who can give you what you want (presuming I know what I want and have told them what that is);
3. you are a nice girl and should settle down.

I may not have all the answers for myself but I am tired of a lesbian culture which assumes we must be coupled. I am also ready to tear down what it means to be committed even if you've bought the idea of coupledom.

Right now I am more concerned with the commitment I have to my writing. Funds may prevent me from attending the writing class in Cali. The price is not excessive and the scope of the classes (people of color writers specifically) makes this an opportunity I don't want to miss. My writing group is considering the possibility of doing a reading/fundraiser for me to attend. Meg says other artists she's known have done these to just pay rent, why not for something from which I'm come back with new knowledge?

Last night's Chile Con Lengua performance was great. I am still thinking of queer poet Miguel Gonzales' suggestion of "surviving behind the saint". A way of working on what I need while living under a guise. Like Virgen de Regla as a cover for Yemaya or Santa Barbara as Chango. I have an ultimate goal within my writing that I've not told anyone. A secret of sorts, a preservation technique to keep me moving/to protect myself.

Part of getting to my goal is to remove/dismiss traditional roles, relationships, judgements and ideas people place on me. These cannot get in my way.