heart

it's hard to write today.

I sent lots of resumes out - Murphy's law that suddenly there are plenty of jobs opening up. I'll keep telling myself it's that the holidays are over and people get back to business.

Tigrette left today and cried so much. I had a hard time holding back my face and just told her to let it out. Everything always tells us not to cry - I didn't want her censoring herself.

Not just because of Tigrette though : my heart or some unspecified ceramic bowl behind my heart is aching. I feel my chest contract and can't stretch the pain out. I actually would love to sleep on someone's couch, far away from this apartment.

It felt wider once Cliffy moved her stuff out but this morning, with my baby gone, the spirit of it is gone and the walls are so incredibly tall.