hair

I didn't remember until now that I cut my hair whenever I want to assert myself or when I feel out of it. I had intended to grow it out some. I like it when it gets to my shoulders because then I can freak it like Macy Gray's 'do.

But I've done it again. It is so short and feels great. I have to admit, it was nice to have the haircutter, this attractive femme Latina with higlights, run her fingers through.

At this point, with everything going on, I may never have my hair long again.

Krissy's promised me a great time tomorrow night with an evening out to see a group called echoset and I could use it - an excuse for lipstick. I got a card today in the mail addressed to Cliffy and me, announcing a commitment ceremony for two friends. Another friend ended her marriage after two decades because she was transitioning. From her account of their way of being, they had a lot of love and support for each other. I'm happy for my friends doing the ceremony and, while it's sad that my other friend is now divorced, I'm glad all of them have been able to find some deep-rooted joy in having come together with someone. The whole thing makes me wonder how you ever know who is forever. There should be some sort of test you give each other beforehand.

Today my chest feels like it has a huge square box inside it. Like scar tissue or man-made materials replacing my insides. I can't move it out with my mind but I can't see inside the box either. Dark red, purple, viscous thing doesn't let me take deep breaths. I'm up late, wrote some, mostly awake because I'm dreading going to bed.