all glittery and frosting, tired but chipper. mm hmm.
Monday, May 21, 2007
poem fragment : untitled
Considering I haven't written in about 3 weeks, I am submitting my humble effort, completed today, while listening to Delhi and Roberto during the guitar lesson. Oh, I did have "Cry me a river" by Julie London (meow!) on my mind.
::
places for palm rests
loosened shoulders
feet up
we can say all we want -
that the person we love
is our home
but where do we put our dirty dishes?
::
not my best, so to make up for it here's some gorgeous fotos of Julie London.
Friday, May 18, 2007
town? hall? meeting?
Well, if you think of townhall meetings there are usually a bunch of riled-up people in attendance who are ready to have their voice heard. I was thinking Harper Valley PTA.
Alas, what I attended the other night was not a townhall meeting. It was an information session, complete with opportunities to pick up information at the front table, opportunities to join stonewall and/or new era democrat organizations and, of course, opportunities to give money in support.
I think money should be given to those things we believe in. I think people who have money don't give enough and those who don't have a lot tend to give more than they should, especially since these organizations don't go out of their way to recognize those who are working class, queer (not lgbt or some other alphabet representation) and/or aren't american citizens.
The audience was given the opportunity to ask questions at the end of 1 1/2 hours of tedious discussion about what each organization does and who they represent (well, everyone, of course!). Thank God, they sometimes remembered why we had all gathered and actually gave some information about the bills.
Also cute was that Paul Scott, Executive Director of Equality Texas, in seeing children at the event and in pulling a sympathy card (1 stone => 2 birds), talked about the changes in child protective services that were set to happen LAST year.
Oh, but back to the questions - we were allowed to ask 3 questions total and I, of course, submitted one that was glossed over, something along the lines of "why is it that, within media directed to and for queers, organizations like yours look for "normalized" versions of queers, i.e. partnered, middle class, American citizens. What is your organization doing to address the needs of those outside of this realm, who will be most affected by the upcoming laws?
And Paul Scott talked about how "we haven't done enough in communities of color" same as Randall Ellis used to say "we need to do more work with people of color" except Randall was attractive to men of color (just ask Vandi!) and seemed to get it, even if he didn't know how to get into poc communities. Then Paul Scott decided to talk about transwomen inclusion, sidestepping his apologetic and well-intentioned sentence about poc. Yes, the trans group in Austin was right in protesting LGRL's standards at the time but one minority as an example for another isn't an easy alternative. Both have their own unique issues.
The guy from HRC didn't say much beyond Paul Scott, except to say that his organization is viewed as white, upper middle class men who like to go out - and then he didn't quite refute it. Well, I suppose, since he was Latino, he refuted part of it.
I won't even comment on the whole Democrat representation because not one but two democratic organizations were present, assuming we will all sheepishly vote that way. I suppose I shouldn't get angry anymore - I don't have the typical mindset and there is no way that someone with my kind of lip will ever make it to that kind of stage.
Onto better things... It's Friday!
Alas, what I attended the other night was not a townhall meeting. It was an information session, complete with opportunities to pick up information at the front table, opportunities to join stonewall and/or new era democrat organizations and, of course, opportunities to give money in support.
I think money should be given to those things we believe in. I think people who have money don't give enough and those who don't have a lot tend to give more than they should, especially since these organizations don't go out of their way to recognize those who are working class, queer (not lgbt or some other alphabet representation) and/or aren't american citizens.
The audience was given the opportunity to ask questions at the end of 1 1/2 hours of tedious discussion about what each organization does and who they represent (well, everyone, of course!). Thank God, they sometimes remembered why we had all gathered and actually gave some information about the bills.
Also cute was that Paul Scott, Executive Director of Equality Texas, in seeing children at the event and in pulling a sympathy card (1 stone => 2 birds), talked about the changes in child protective services that were set to happen LAST year.
Oh, but back to the questions - we were allowed to ask 3 questions total and I, of course, submitted one that was glossed over, something along the lines of "why is it that, within media directed to and for queers, organizations like yours look for "normalized" versions of queers, i.e. partnered, middle class, American citizens. What is your organization doing to address the needs of those outside of this realm, who will be most affected by the upcoming laws?
And Paul Scott talked about how "we haven't done enough in communities of color" same as Randall Ellis used to say "we need to do more work with people of color" except Randall was attractive to men of color (just ask Vandi!) and seemed to get it, even if he didn't know how to get into poc communities. Then Paul Scott decided to talk about transwomen inclusion, sidestepping his apologetic and well-intentioned sentence about poc. Yes, the trans group in Austin was right in protesting LGRL's standards at the time but one minority as an example for another isn't an easy alternative. Both have their own unique issues.
The guy from HRC didn't say much beyond Paul Scott, except to say that his organization is viewed as white, upper middle class men who like to go out - and then he didn't quite refute it. Well, I suppose, since he was Latino, he refuted part of it.
I won't even comment on the whole Democrat representation because not one but two democratic organizations were present, assuming we will all sheepishly vote that way. I suppose I shouldn't get angry anymore - I don't have the typical mindset and there is no way that someone with my kind of lip will ever make it to that kind of stage.
Onto better things... It's Friday!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
blindness
I'm parking at Crossroads Park & Ride lately. The good: I'm saving gas - this is especially good since I recently saw an executive from one of the oil companies excusing every "presumption" the American consumer has about oil production and the reason for increasing gas prices. I was actually convinced for a moment - I was coaxed in by his answers that seemed to make sense. I mean, sure, why not dig deeper, open up Alaska more, for more opportunities? And of course he is for alternative fuel but he makes sense when he says that corn isn't the answer because it's a food source and that can go to people! I just don't feel qualified enough about the history around this but I need to be. It's ridiculous to me that I don't have the information I need to either really agree with him or be able to refute him.
The bad of the park and ride: having to wait for the ONE bus that comes every 1/2 hour of so that goes from UTSA (my current income source) to the park and ride. I'm not a patient woman so I work late to get to the bus stop 2 minutes before the bus is supposed to arrive only to have to wait 10 more minutes. I haven't been doing my yoga or breathing lately, or writing consistently! so, I have been a little ansy.
Another plus side: I've been reading books on the ride up and down to the University. I just finished Blindness by Jose Saramago. It took me a while to get into it, then I was completely engrossed and disgusted, then I didn't want to read any more of it, and then I was glad it was done. What turmoil! I need a light comedy after that book! The story goes that this white blindness takes over a country, leaving everyone without vision while the country stops production, falls into anarchy and its citizens become less and less human. It's a macabre work, almost as emotion producing as when you truly learn of destruction (9/11, Darfur) and see it. I haven't had a book affect me that way in awhile but alternative realities and science fiction have their base in truth and theory, in probable outcomes when looking at the world right now - and that is scary enough.
I think, as a writer, it's curious that the book shows a writer who, with blank paper and a ball point pen, manages to write his and his family's story, despite blindness, and likes ballpoint pens because he can feel where the marks are. It is also sad that he quietly dismisses his own story as not as valuable as that of the main narrator and the group of people she is saving because the narrator is the one person who can still see and, among her group, are those who were the first to be blinded.
More later. I'm still processing.
The bad of the park and ride: having to wait for the ONE bus that comes every 1/2 hour of so that goes from UTSA (my current income source) to the park and ride. I'm not a patient woman so I work late to get to the bus stop 2 minutes before the bus is supposed to arrive only to have to wait 10 more minutes. I haven't been doing my yoga or breathing lately, or writing consistently! so, I have been a little ansy.
Another plus side: I've been reading books on the ride up and down to the University. I just finished Blindness by Jose Saramago. It took me a while to get into it, then I was completely engrossed and disgusted, then I didn't want to read any more of it, and then I was glad it was done. What turmoil! I need a light comedy after that book! The story goes that this white blindness takes over a country, leaving everyone without vision while the country stops production, falls into anarchy and its citizens become less and less human. It's a macabre work, almost as emotion producing as when you truly learn of destruction (9/11, Darfur) and see it. I haven't had a book affect me that way in awhile but alternative realities and science fiction have their base in truth and theory, in probable outcomes when looking at the world right now - and that is scary enough.
I think, as a writer, it's curious that the book shows a writer who, with blank paper and a ball point pen, manages to write his and his family's story, despite blindness, and likes ballpoint pens because he can feel where the marks are. It is also sad that he quietly dismisses his own story as not as valuable as that of the main narrator and the group of people she is saving because the narrator is the one person who can still see and, among her group, are those who were the first to be blinded.
More later. I'm still processing.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
ah, parenting, the lege and media for the single queer mother
Almost a year ago I went to a gathering Family Pride put together with Equality Texas. It was a media training meant to inform queer parents on how to deal with the media but, more than that, it was an opportunity to have the organizations meet would be queer media darlings for future stories.
At one point one of the Equality Texas staff (nameless) suggested my daughter and I could be on the cover of any number of pamphlets they had which shows a rainbow of faces, with pairs of adults and one or more children all around. I haven't gotten that call. I don't fit the preferred mold of queer parent: two, intelligent (possibly educated) adults in a committed relationship for 5 of more years, with kids (bi-racial or opposite gender from the parents is the best!) who happen to have a huge back yard with oak trees and a dog.
Talk about minority in a minority in a minority.
So, I get emails from Family Pride regularly. They are numbered to show the 52 things I can do to be an out and proud family. And I got one, sometimes two, emails a day awhile back when Kevin Bacon was "challenging" us to give money to this national organization. But I didn't get an email telling me they were having a coloring contest where children could draw their family and say why they loved their family. Well, that contest has ended and here are the winners. Of course, everyone is paired up. Are there no single queer parents out there?
Equality is no better. I would love to support them but with brunch fundraisers costing $75 minimum per person and not even a reduced amount for children (do we not have children?), it would be $150 just for me to watch my daughter play with the scrambled eggs with her fork and sneak the 3rd waffle so that later I'm cursing the maple syrup high she would walk out with.
I have to hand it to them, though. Initial emails from "friends of Equality Texas" didn't give prices and I actually debated going and realized that if I had to go 3 pages into a website to get the price for this brunch I could not afford it. Those guys at ET really have earned their degrees in media presentation, I'm telling you.
I'm going to a LGBT Legislative Townhall tonight to see the latest on some of lege work that may affect queers in Texas and the US.
Among them:
Before Congress
The Hate Crimes bill
The Employment Non-Discrimination Act
"Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" repeal
Before Texas lege
Hate Crimes bill
Insurance Nondiscrimination
Student Harassment Bill
Foster Children’s Bill of Rights
CPS reform
It's gonna be a fun night.
At one point one of the Equality Texas staff (nameless) suggested my daughter and I could be on the cover of any number of pamphlets they had which shows a rainbow of faces, with pairs of adults and one or more children all around. I haven't gotten that call. I don't fit the preferred mold of queer parent: two, intelligent (possibly educated) adults in a committed relationship for 5 of more years, with kids (bi-racial or opposite gender from the parents is the best!) who happen to have a huge back yard with oak trees and a dog.
Talk about minority in a minority in a minority.
So, I get emails from Family Pride regularly. They are numbered to show the 52 things I can do to be an out and proud family. And I got one, sometimes two, emails a day awhile back when Kevin Bacon was "challenging" us to give money to this national organization. But I didn't get an email telling me they were having a coloring contest where children could draw their family and say why they loved their family. Well, that contest has ended and here are the winners. Of course, everyone is paired up. Are there no single queer parents out there?
Equality is no better. I would love to support them but with brunch fundraisers costing $75 minimum per person and not even a reduced amount for children (do we not have children?), it would be $150 just for me to watch my daughter play with the scrambled eggs with her fork and sneak the 3rd waffle so that later I'm cursing the maple syrup high she would walk out with.
I have to hand it to them, though. Initial emails from "friends of Equality Texas" didn't give prices and I actually debated going and realized that if I had to go 3 pages into a website to get the price for this brunch I could not afford it. Those guys at ET really have earned their degrees in media presentation, I'm telling you.
I'm going to a LGBT Legislative Townhall tonight to see the latest on some of lege work that may affect queers in Texas and the US.
Among them:
Before Congress
The Hate Crimes bill
The Employment Non-Discrimination Act
"Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" repeal
Before Texas lege
Hate Crimes bill
Insurance Nondiscrimination
Student Harassment Bill
Foster Children’s Bill of Rights
CPS reform
It's gonna be a fun night.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
happy mother's day
I got this card from mothers rising: http://www.momsrising.org/motherecard/
I spent last night running around. I developed a tremendous migraine on the way home and ended up sitting in the car for a few minutes with the air conditioner blowing on high right into my face.
Once that left, I had a good time with Delhi. She was in trouble with me earlier in the week for stealing my cell phone (a sign of the more difficult things that will come). We drove around looking at rental properties and making comments. Then I went home and cleaned up the house.
I'm feeling like my foundation's a little uneasy this week. It doesn't help I've not slept more than 4 hours in the last two weeks. It really doesn't help that my mother keeps putting this mini crisis about my niece in my lap or that she's being super controlling.
I hate that the city, long known for recognizing the needs of youth and admitting they have to address them, cannot offer true alternatives to after school care and summer care for kids. Maybe then I wouldn't have to hear from my mother that if I move 2 miles further and Delhi's school is further she wouldn't be happy to pick her up. I completely appreciate her help with my daughter. And I was super stoked to be able to help her with her car when she needed it - I don't often get the chance to help her, but I don't understand why driving a little more is that big a deal, and why she can't see how a move would be an improvement for me and for the little one. I mean, saving money and being in a safer neighborhood would be great, the chance of Delhi liking her school would be even greater.
So I find myself more than naturally upset that, for the things I want to accomplish, there aren't many resources available. How am I to work a full time job to support my child but not have adequate funding or spaces for quality child care? When I found out I was pregnant I went on assistance (food stamps, TANF, and child care assistance) for 3 months and was on WIC for a year. I needed the temporary support and it was helpful. My next job paid too much and I really was okay without the additional help. It's unfortunately, however, that unless you are without adequate income you can't find alternate ways of supporting. And I'm not exactly living in a co-op friendly city or I would see how to encompass alternative parenting circles so that my daughter could enjoy other children and parents can support each other.
I had a dream a couple of days ago that I was looking for a large home to rent with a couple and their kids. It seemed perfect. There was always someone to play with Delhi, I could cook and have people enjoy it (delhi's not a big veggie fan) and have other things taken care of and we were building community. It's a slow process, I suppose, building that trust and not giving a shit about what people on the outside might call you. I'm tired though. Just plain tired.
I think that the country needs to have done more to support women than just have it recognized by some male president and co-opted by consumerist culture. Oh, Anne Jarvis, where have we gone wrong?
I spent last night running around. I developed a tremendous migraine on the way home and ended up sitting in the car for a few minutes with the air conditioner blowing on high right into my face.
Once that left, I had a good time with Delhi. She was in trouble with me earlier in the week for stealing my cell phone (a sign of the more difficult things that will come). We drove around looking at rental properties and making comments. Then I went home and cleaned up the house.
I'm feeling like my foundation's a little uneasy this week. It doesn't help I've not slept more than 4 hours in the last two weeks. It really doesn't help that my mother keeps putting this mini crisis about my niece in my lap or that she's being super controlling.
I hate that the city, long known for recognizing the needs of youth and admitting they have to address them, cannot offer true alternatives to after school care and summer care for kids. Maybe then I wouldn't have to hear from my mother that if I move 2 miles further and Delhi's school is further she wouldn't be happy to pick her up. I completely appreciate her help with my daughter. And I was super stoked to be able to help her with her car when she needed it - I don't often get the chance to help her, but I don't understand why driving a little more is that big a deal, and why she can't see how a move would be an improvement for me and for the little one. I mean, saving money and being in a safer neighborhood would be great, the chance of Delhi liking her school would be even greater.
So I find myself more than naturally upset that, for the things I want to accomplish, there aren't many resources available. How am I to work a full time job to support my child but not have adequate funding or spaces for quality child care? When I found out I was pregnant I went on assistance (food stamps, TANF, and child care assistance) for 3 months and was on WIC for a year. I needed the temporary support and it was helpful. My next job paid too much and I really was okay without the additional help. It's unfortunately, however, that unless you are without adequate income you can't find alternate ways of supporting. And I'm not exactly living in a co-op friendly city or I would see how to encompass alternative parenting circles so that my daughter could enjoy other children and parents can support each other.
I had a dream a couple of days ago that I was looking for a large home to rent with a couple and their kids. It seemed perfect. There was always someone to play with Delhi, I could cook and have people enjoy it (delhi's not a big veggie fan) and have other things taken care of and we were building community. It's a slow process, I suppose, building that trust and not giving a shit about what people on the outside might call you. I'm tired though. Just plain tired.
I think that the country needs to have done more to support women than just have it recognized by some male president and co-opted by consumerist culture. Oh, Anne Jarvis, where have we gone wrong?
Friday, May 04, 2007
just like Bobo...
man, my grandfather was like no one else. this week my mother's car was being repaired (still!) from the accident she had in november. there was one part that's held the repair techs up so all week I've dropped off the tiger, picked my my mom (the lion), and drove to the park and ride to take the bus to work, leaving my mom with the car for her work.
it's actually been nice, a new morning ritual away from the routine, and i've been able to hear all kinds of stories.
i got a new cell phone because the cricket plan I was on estaba narajas girl so. the little one was desperate to have the phone, I suspect to call me to just say hi, and she took with her to school today. i called it just to be trouble but had put the ringer really low so she didn't hear it. so this morning, because she slept at my mom's i had to pick them both up and take myself to the park and ride first (with one bus, I'm 15 minutes late - the bus before gets me there 30 early!) then my mother was going to take my daughter to school. we told her that she might be late.
well, as soon as I was dropped off, my daughter pulled the cell phone and told my mother the time continually. I left a message at my mother's work to see how they got along this morning and my mother wrote:
i just got your message, she got off fine, in a hurry and reading the time off of the the dammed cell phone every three seconds and telling me what time it was. she wanted to know why we didn't take her first, i told her that it wasn't just about her, if you missed the bus, i would have to take you all the way out there and if i had an accident because of her rushing me she would probably be two hours late because it takes the police that long to get there. she finally put the phone away and didn't give me the time anymore. god, she's just like bobo.
I've been hearing family stories all week because of the time we are spending together. including stories about Bobo, my grandfather and mother's father. I've also been hearing how the Cuban parenting method endeavors, despite distance to culture and family - my cousin, with 3 of her own, recently overhead her youngest (4 years old) tell one of his brother's friends (at 15 years old) that he was going to set his ass on fire.
Seems like the less Cuban is in the kid, the more they express it.
it's actually been nice, a new morning ritual away from the routine, and i've been able to hear all kinds of stories.
i got a new cell phone because the cricket plan I was on estaba narajas girl so. the little one was desperate to have the phone, I suspect to call me to just say hi, and she took with her to school today. i called it just to be trouble but had put the ringer really low so she didn't hear it. so this morning, because she slept at my mom's i had to pick them both up and take myself to the park and ride first (with one bus, I'm 15 minutes late - the bus before gets me there 30 early!) then my mother was going to take my daughter to school. we told her that she might be late.
well, as soon as I was dropped off, my daughter pulled the cell phone and told my mother the time continually. I left a message at my mother's work to see how they got along this morning and my mother wrote:
i just got your message, she got off fine, in a hurry and reading the time off of the the dammed cell phone every three seconds and telling me what time it was. she wanted to know why we didn't take her first, i told her that it wasn't just about her, if you missed the bus, i would have to take you all the way out there and if i had an accident because of her rushing me she would probably be two hours late because it takes the police that long to get there. she finally put the phone away and didn't give me the time anymore. god, she's just like bobo.
I've been hearing family stories all week because of the time we are spending together. including stories about Bobo, my grandfather and mother's father. I've also been hearing how the Cuban parenting method endeavors, despite distance to culture and family - my cousin, with 3 of her own, recently overhead her youngest (4 years old) tell one of his brother's friends (at 15 years old) that he was going to set his ass on fire.
Seems like the less Cuban is in the kid, the more they express it.
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